Marriage

I've come to the conclusion that I just want to be married already. Please future husband, hurry up and leave me head over heels! I just want to have that ONE person to share a life with. My life, his life, our future dogs life. Also the children we will have down the road [3 kids] (I've had numerous dreams where I'd be pregnant, and i reallllllllllly enjoyed it. It's scary how much i liked it). The best friend i can be 100% comfortable with and tell everything to.
It seems like my brother always gets lucky with relationships, he's in his second long term relationship, and they're so in love. It's lovely, but I want that too! I want someone to love me enough to drive 4 hours every other weekend just to see me for 1.5 days! I want someone to make me a heart shaped cake. Moreso than any, I want someone to bring on family vacations with me! He always brings his girlfriend on our family vacations, and the rest of the family is always like "Liz, where's your boyfriend/ you don't have a boyfriend?" It kind of makes me feel like there's something wrong with me! Every summer we take a family trip to Maine, where we meet some of our other family that lives in Connecticut still, and stay right on the beach (Old Orchard) for a week. It's fun and i always enjoy myself, but my brother always seems to have a better time. Beaches are meant for couples, or friends; family, not so much. Well, this past summer i missed it because of my Summer B classes, so I'm anticipating next summer more than usual.

I forgot where I was going with this...
I have extremely bad memory.
I hate football.
People do NOT know how to drive, period.
I just spent $63 on groceries, hoorah.
I think you should go listen to The Honorary Title, because they're rad.
I've seen 3 dead animals on roads within two days.
One armadillo, two racoons.

To new beginnings!

Have you ever thought you've been trying to be someone that you're not? I'm starting to think that's the case with me. Little reoccurring events are making me think that I've been morphing my true self for a good 3 years. I'm not sure why; Just to fit in with the people i admire, to be accepted by them, to be included? When in reality I'm not included. I feel like i've been completely cast away. When i hang around certain people i just feel like my presence isn't really "wanted," i don't know. Some may say i over-react, or make a big deal out of something minute, but SO many of these little things have happened, that it's all building up and i can't take much more. I think i need to start surrounding myself with people I feel more comfortable with. Forget all of this. I mean, college is when you're supposed to figure all of this out, right? I'm glad i'm figuring this out now, i'm not sure how much more i could've taken. I can't stand feeling uncomfortable around people, No more! Hopefully there will be new beginnings and new friendships in my future.

The fact that my mom is on a cruise and unable to be contacted is killing me. It makes me realize how much i rely on her and how important she truly is to me. I can't imagine not being so close to her. I can't wait for Monday!

Those were the days!

Sigh

Classes weren't bad today, my comp 1 teacher complimented questions i came up with! I love when that happens. Why must i be so addicted to Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee? (with cream & sugar, of course)
I think i may be coming down with a sinus infection or something. The weather is really nice today, i hope it's like this tomorrow for the football game! It's the first one I'll be attending (i feel guilty about that, since i have season tickets)! I just hope i don't melt tomorrow sitting in the stands at 3 in the afternoon. What else am i doing this weekend? I have 0 plans. It's parents weekend and my family is bording a cruise ship right now, haha. I don't mind, it's going to suck with parents everywhere. I'll probably go to Subway in hopes of seeing the guy who I remind of his brother's fiance.
Why must certain people be attracted to me? I feel like i attract the weirdest guys. No joke. Meagan told me it's because i'm too nice to the fr3aks. I don't like being meannn though. I'm so nervous about people reading my blogs and getting upset, therefore i can't name anyone (by anyone i mean cr33ps) I may just make up secret code names for the cr33ps in my life. Although, if they read it and have any comprehension abilities, they'd know it was them I'd be talking (typing) of. Chris, you're not a cr33p, or a fr3ak, don't worry.
I hate when people look at me when i'm driving, or intentionally go the same speed as me. Fuck car synchronization. Better yet, when someone is sitting in the bed of a truck and i'm driving behind them. OR, when i'm trying to take a left, and a guy pulls up next to me (trying to take a right), and he blocks my view of traffic and looks at me with a creepy smile.
Sniff, sniff (that was my stuffy nose).

Humbling Experiences

Last night on my way to the UCF dorms to watch a movie with some friends, I passed a man walking on the side of the road. He had just gotten off of the bus, and was dressed in what looked like a dressy work uniform. I immediately began to think of how lucky I am to have all that i have, and be healthy. This poor man probably works hard for his money and doesn't even have a car to get to and fro his job. I'm an 18 year old, with a car and my own apartment. Spoiled. But things like seeing that guy makes me realize that things aren't so bad after all, and i am truly happy to be where i am.

Before my humbling experience and after i bought my $4 keds at Goodwill, I went to Subway in Waterford lakes to pick up a quick dinner. I told the dapper young man my order and then he tells me, "You remind me of my brother's fiance." I was caught off gaurd and unsure of what to respond with, but i went with it. He made small talk with me until a slue of other customers poured in. Things such as this give me hope. Hope that there's someone out there for me; that i won't be alone forever. It's just the element of time.

Speaking of people out there for me, I have no idea what i am doing. I went on a date the other night, we had a good time and the guy likes me but I just don't know! Maybe I'm just lonely, or desperate. I'm unsure on my feelings towards this baseball playing, truck driving 18 year old. I feel guilty even going on another date with him (thinking that perhaps one more time will open my eyes and give me a great revelation) I don't want to start something and have it end with someone getting hurt. Maybe i should just wait. But, wait forever? It seems like i'm always waiting. I've been in a funk lately thinking about all of this. I need a sign! Someone please give me a sign!

His roommate, "Butters" (last name Butterfield), is a trip. One of those people where everything that comes out of his mouths makes you laugh, even though it's more like he's always acting drunk. I'm not sure why I included that tidbit of information. It's weird to me that Chris and James are probably reading this. I'm not sure why.

I want a tattoo.

Let's back-track

I'm completely new to blogging, I guess I'm hoping for it to become sort of like, my online journal or something to that degree. Maybe typing my feelings and thoughts will help me in some way? Hopefully. Who knows. So, Bill Clinton is visiting UCF today. You won't see me anywhere near, though. The mass amounts of people, as I escaped from my college algebra class and made my way to my little gold corolla, was insane. Too much nonsense for me to get involved, I've never been huge on politics anyways. It's whatever to me, I'm aware that sounds bad but it's the truth. Was that just a comma splice? My comp teacher gets mad when I comma splice, and i'm pretty sure i do it quite often. Does it matter in blogs? Well, it's not going to for me. It seems like every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after i get out at 10:30, i get an iced coffee (with cream & sugar) from Dunkin' Donuts. I swear it's the best drink on earth (to me). I'm also fully aware that no one is going to end up reading my blogs, with the exception of myself. That's pathetic right? Just as pathetic as one in love with someone who doesn't love you back? That was me for a while too, i think. Who knows. I have no clue. Really. I'm extremely messed up with my over analyzing/ thinking situations.

I'm aware it seems like i used the word aware too often.

Is it pathetic?

Is it pathetic to have one way love?

Let's set up the scenario: One single person claims to be in love with another who doesn't love them back, or even really care. So, the "lover" in this case believes that they are thouroughly happy with loving someone and not being loved back. First off, this just doesn't make sense to me whatsoever; I understand that love has mystical powers (or so i hear) but how could one possibly be content with loving and not being loved back? In my opinion the person who has made themself believe that they do, indeed, love this other figure is fooling themselves. And if not fooling, they're causing themselves pain by being stuck on this one person that they claim to love, whom will never love them in return. Don't be hung up on one person if you know for a fact it won't ever work, there's no point. Move on, and meet someone who you'll love and will love you back. I gaurantee the feelings will be so much more meaningful. Therefore, I believe it IS pathetic to love someone who won't love you back. It's sad, and largely depressing if anything.